1 00:00:01,160 --> 00:00:05,480 Hi, folks. All aboard for low, low prices as Straxler's announces its 2 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:06,660 great train wreck sale. 3 00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:07,718 That's right. 4 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:12,700 A little engine that could, couldn't. And we've spent the whole month picking 5 00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:16,700 hundreds of quality factory direct furniture off the hillsides of... 6 00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:02,820 Long brought to you by Traxler Discount Furniture Warehouse. Hi, folks. I'm 7 00:01:02,820 --> 00:01:06,320 Harold Traxler. I'm going out of my mind this month with Traxler's Temporary 8 00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:07,320 Insanity Sale. 9 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,560 This month only, we're losing our marbles to give you the best buys in 10 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,220 furniture, appliances, antiques, break -a -backs, paddy wax. 11 00:01:38,210 --> 00:01:40,430 Hello. That's okay. 12 00:01:41,370 --> 00:01:45,010 How soon? 13 00:01:46,310 --> 00:01:47,870 Tomorrow night. 14 00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:09,699 Call me certifiable, but call me that, hey, we're the best values in town. 15 00:02:10,039 --> 00:02:13,660 Living in Norfolk for the first 45 months down here, they will receive a 16 00:02:13,660 --> 00:02:16,280 black velveteen original work of art. 17 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,400 Where's my newspaper? 18 00:03:20,740 --> 00:03:23,580 The newspaper's not a community thing around here. 19 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:27,100 It's supposed to be on my desk every morning when I walk in. 20 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,420 You see what happens when you don't get your A .V. shot? 21 00:03:29,820 --> 00:03:32,640 You, get me the file on Perkins. 22 00:03:33,260 --> 00:03:34,540 And where's Stockdale? 23 00:03:34,860 --> 00:03:37,260 And get me those copies I asked for yesterday. 24 00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:40,300 Right away, Mr. Fowler. And get me Horace on the phone. 25 00:03:40,540 --> 00:03:42,920 Yes, sir, Mr. Fowler. And get me some coffee. 26 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:44,800 Coming, Mr. Fowler. 27 00:03:45,340 --> 00:03:46,340 All right. 28 00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:52,410 I'll make the copies for you and let him get his own copy. Oh, thanks, Janet. 29 00:03:58,290 --> 00:04:04,530 The copier's broken again. 30 00:04:04,970 --> 00:04:06,650 It's funny. It was fun last night. 31 00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:07,930 It's jammed now. 32 00:04:37,420 --> 00:04:39,960 Daddy, were you in the filing cabinet again? No, why? 33 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:43,400 Just curious. 34 00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:10,390 In 30 minutes, he won't have an office to come to anymore. 35 00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:13,810 And for the last time, where's the coffee? 36 00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:16,810 Are we waiting for special delivery from Brazil? 37 00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:18,970 He's on a roll this morning. 38 00:05:19,530 --> 00:05:23,410 Wait, Dad, give that about a three on the Richter. Oh, no, no, no. A three is 39 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:27,310 when one of his horses finishes out of the money. Now, this one, there's a good 40 00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:31,310 base to the growl, but the endurance just isn't there. No, I give this one 41 00:05:31,310 --> 00:05:36,150 tops. Well, I'd have to give it a 3 .3 in myself. He managed to drive Janet 42 00:05:36,150 --> 00:05:37,150 right out of the office. 43 00:05:40,270 --> 00:05:41,910 Oh, Wally. Good morning. 44 00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:43,170 Daddy's on the warpath. 45 00:05:44,230 --> 00:05:45,230 Hi. 46 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:49,890 Good morning. 47 00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:52,910 We'll not only offer you political asylum, we'll even offer you breakfast. 48 00:05:53,290 --> 00:05:54,029 No, thanks. 49 00:05:54,030 --> 00:05:56,750 Hey, don't worry about him. He just got up on the wrong side of the bed this 50 00:05:56,750 --> 00:05:59,750 morning. Of course, considering that it's Meyer and he sleeps on the wrong 51 00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:00,539 of the bed. 52 00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:02,160 If you could be serious for a moment. 53 00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:04,180 I have got a problem. 54 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,820 One of Daddy's confidential files is missing. 55 00:06:07,940 --> 00:06:08,940 Missing? 56 00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:12,520 As in stolen from the locked filing cabinet in his office. 57 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:14,860 What kind of file? 58 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,160 Well, it's the kind you can blackmail somebody with. It's a rich client with 59 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,400 embarrassing personal situation. 60 00:06:19,820 --> 00:06:21,460 It is Harold Traxler. 61 00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:23,960 The guy with the awful discount furniture commercials? 62 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,780 Hey, he's a classic. 63 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,660 I stay up and watch Highway Patrol just to see him. He's got this one. 64 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:33,990 where he goes into this forest of sofa beds in this giant warehouse with this 65 00:06:33,990 --> 00:06:37,890 half -naked girl, and he... Do you think it was an inside job? One of Myron's 66 00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:39,010 hundreds of trained investigators? 67 00:06:39,990 --> 00:06:43,090 Yep. I haven't told him yet. I want you to handle the case. 68 00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:46,170 Us? 69 00:06:47,350 --> 00:06:50,490 Well, would a brain surgeon operate on his own brain? Yeah, we're going to talk 70 00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:52,050 about brains. Let's leave Myron out of this. 71 00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:56,170 Okay, if you don't want the job, I'll just let my little fingers do some 72 00:06:56,170 --> 00:06:58,050 walking. No, no, no, wait a minute, wait a minute. 73 00:06:59,380 --> 00:07:00,380 What do you think? 74 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:04,180 Well, I think I ought to disqualify myself from this case. 75 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,000 Why? Conflict of interest. 76 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,500 Well, the word of this gets out. My reputation's going to be ruined, right? 77 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,200 Over my dead body. 78 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,720 Daddy, be reasonable. It could have been anybody in the office. Now, come on. 79 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:21,600 You can't give that case to one of your operatives. 80 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,920 No, no, no. If you try to investigate it, you're going to get mad. You're 81 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,600 to fire everybody in the office. We will never get the file back. 82 00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:30,090 A good attorney never represents himself. 83 00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:33,770 I was right to go outside. You have to admit that. 84 00:07:34,890 --> 00:07:39,510 Oh, Daddy, look, the way I've got it figured, whoever it was planned to copy 85 00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:40,510 file and then put it back. 86 00:07:40,850 --> 00:07:44,530 Well, now the copier broke down, so if he thinks that we haven't noticed that 87 00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:47,130 the file is missing... They'll come back and try and return it. 88 00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:49,330 Mm -hmm, and you two will be there to catch him. 89 00:07:49,910 --> 00:07:50,910 Okay with you? 90 00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:54,670 I want a professional discount. 91 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,820 Myron, we charge an honest rate. 92 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,580 Hey, come on. I'm practically family. 93 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,920 Adopt us. We'll talk about it. I don't want him involved. 94 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:05,280 We work as a team. 95 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:07,980 I want daily reports. 96 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,480 Weekly. I want receipts for all expenses. 97 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:15,740 Even bribes. A good investigator. Tell another good investigator how to do his 98 00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:16,740 job. 99 00:09:07,850 --> 00:09:08,850 Hello, Wally. 100 00:09:14,030 --> 00:09:15,730 What the hell do you expect me to do? 101 00:09:17,250 --> 00:09:18,750 Look at the options you've given me. 102 00:09:19,030 --> 00:09:20,970 I could break your legs and fire you. 103 00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:31,590 Or I could break your legs, fire you, and call the police. 104 00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:36,250 Or I could just break your legs for starters and then work my way up the 105 00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:37,250 your body. 106 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,320 Wally, do you want me to turn you over to those two monkey grips out there? 107 00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,140 Come on, Myron. 108 00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:45,120 I've played good cop, bad cop. You taught me. 109 00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:48,680 Then what the hell's got you running so scared that you're trash? 110 00:09:48,940 --> 00:09:53,040 20 years of trust and friendship, and you don't even have the guts to tell me 111 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:54,040 why. 112 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,880 Wally, please, talk to me. You playing the horses? 113 00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:00,600 You're the loan sharks, the mob? 114 00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:01,820 Why? 115 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,280 It's worse. 116 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,480 What could be worse? 117 00:10:27,050 --> 00:10:28,050 That's your life, Wally. 118 00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,890 I'm putting the word out on you today. 119 00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,290 You're never going to work on this business again. 120 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:00,439 He wouldn't tell me. 121 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,560 He wouldn't tell you anything? 122 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,400 Nothing. And you let him walk out of here, Meyer, and we could have broken 123 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,640 Somebody already broke him, Rick. 124 00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:12,940 Somebody pushed all the right buttons and took his manhood away from him. 125 00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,160 I saw it happen in Korea. 126 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,860 While he's scared to death, I've known him 20 years. 127 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,140 I want you guys to stick on him like cheap cologne. 128 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,680 I want to know everywhere he goes, everyone he sees. 129 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,900 I want to know who did this to him. 130 00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:31,510 He's a friend of mine. 131 00:11:41,430 --> 00:11:42,830 Power, Wally. You know what I'd do? 132 00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:44,150 I'd go to Hawaii. 133 00:11:44,190 --> 00:11:45,930 Be packing my bags right now. 134 00:11:49,590 --> 00:11:51,370 Always wanted to be on a stakeout in Hawaii. 135 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,230 I think we better move. 136 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,600 What are you talking about? 137 00:11:55,940 --> 00:12:00,100 Sun's right, nice breeze. Can't you just hear the soft rustling of dollar bills 138 00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:03,000 every minute we sit here? Yeah, but that little old lady over there has been 139 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,160 watering the same rows for the past 20 minutes. 140 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:07,880 Yeah, so? 141 00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:09,500 So she's made us. 142 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:11,640 So she's going to call the police. 143 00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:14,520 So we're going to have to answer some very awkward questions. 144 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,280 So Wally's going to find out that we've made him. 145 00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:20,320 So Myron's going to fire us. So I'll take care of it. 146 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:37,640 I'd just like to introduce myself. My name is Rick Simon. That's my brother A 147 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,060 .J. out there with our attack -trained security animal. 148 00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:42,640 We're part of Community Watch. 149 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:47,200 That's a citizens' action group that was formed to discourage burglary and other 150 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,059 neighborhood crime. 151 00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:49,060 You are? 152 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,760 Yes, ma 'am. I just wanted to let you know we're going to be operating in this 153 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,400 area on a trial basis this week. 154 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:54,740 Well, 155 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,500 it just so happens that last... 156 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:06,030 is proud to announce our It's a Boy sale. 157 00:13:06,430 --> 00:13:10,670 Come in for your free cigar and a look at the biggest bargain since our Damage 158 00:13:10,670 --> 00:13:11,670 in Transit sale. 159 00:13:11,810 --> 00:13:16,190 Hundreds of dinette sets, sofa beds, three -piece sectionals. Hold it. Honey, 160 00:13:16,370 --> 00:13:19,190 she's laid on the queen's sleeper again. 161 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:20,530 Okay, cut it. 162 00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:22,790 Let's pick it up again at the dinette set. 163 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:24,790 Carolyn, want to walk it again? 164 00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:28,410 And while you're at it, better let her work out on that rockery clatter so that 165 00:13:28,410 --> 00:13:29,970 we don't have to call the fire department again. 166 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:42,960 I'm glad you called me about the missing file, Myron. Do me a favor. Sure. 167 00:13:43,220 --> 00:13:44,220 Forget all about it. 168 00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:47,100 Pretend it never happened. What are you talking about? 169 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,740 Harold, is somebody putting the arm on you? No. 170 00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:51,820 It's personal. I can handle it. 171 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,580 Anything you try to do to help will just make it worse. 172 00:13:55,340 --> 00:13:57,620 Understand? No, I don't understand. 173 00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,040 Then trust me. 174 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,440 Myron, I'm your best client, right? 175 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,600 So, I get in trouble with the girls every few months. It's money out of my 176 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:07,600 pocket into yours. 177 00:14:08,070 --> 00:14:09,070 What's wrong with that? 178 00:14:10,570 --> 00:14:11,570 Just drop it. 179 00:14:12,790 --> 00:14:16,770 That file was stolen out of my office. You trusted me and I betrayed that. I 180 00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:19,270 still trust you. Trust me. Stay out of it, please. 181 00:14:19,830 --> 00:14:21,050 Ready when you are, Mr. T. 182 00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:22,990 Okay. 183 00:14:23,910 --> 00:14:25,250 Be with you in a minute, Barbara. 184 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:33,500 and had their kind of excitement since Barnaby Jones went off the air. 185 00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:38,500 Well, most of our work is just a routine precaution. I'd kind of appreciate it 186 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,360 if you didn't tell the rest of the neighbors about this. Oh, 187 00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:46,740 was he like a brownie? Oh, yes, ma 'am. You know, it made me so mad. 188 00:15:47,140 --> 00:15:50,360 He was the one thing that we seniors could relate to. 189 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,420 It is very good. What do you put in here? 190 00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:54,160 The usual thing. 191 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,000 Flour, sugar, chocolate, fifth of gin. 192 00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:01,100 Call them my happy hour brownies. 193 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:02,920 Well, they're very good. 194 00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:07,260 Why don't you take one for your friend? Oh, thank you very much. And one for 195 00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:09,180 later. Okay, thank you a lot. 196 00:16:10,140 --> 00:16:13,160 Oh, and... No, no, no, I don't want to take all your brownies, Miss Mitchell. 197 00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,180 Thank you. 198 00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:15,740 Very good. 199 00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:16,939 Thank you. 200 00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:17,940 Bye -bye. 201 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,020 Bye. 202 00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:27,260 Here you go, Marlowe. A little reward for being so patient. 203 00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:11,069 How about punching one into your computer there for me, okay? 204 00:17:11,910 --> 00:17:17,690 All right, it's California, 284, Yankee, Bravo, Victor. 205 00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:19,970 Okay. 206 00:17:21,310 --> 00:17:22,690 Yeah, Frank what? 207 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:24,869 Frank Kim, let me write that down. 208 00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:28,109 All right, got it. 209 00:17:29,370 --> 00:17:30,370 Yeah. 210 00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,990 Well, of course I remember your hot tub. 211 00:17:34,190 --> 00:17:35,710 It was worth every splinter of it. 212 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:40,999 Thursday at 8? 213 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,000 All right. 214 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,300 Yeah, listen, Nadine, should I bring my snorkel and fins? 215 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,100 Absolutely. 216 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,520 All right, bye -bye. 217 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,880 We belong at the same health club. 218 00:17:58,460 --> 00:17:59,840 I went out to teach Raxler. 219 00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:01,260 And what did he say? 220 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:02,760 Nothing. 221 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:06,200 Nothing, as in not much, or nothing as in what we got from Wally? 222 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,900 He said I just would have forget it ever happened. 223 00:18:09,230 --> 00:18:11,630 Forget whatever happened. Myron, what is in that file? 224 00:18:12,330 --> 00:18:16,230 Harold keeps getting in trouble with those girls he does those commercials 225 00:18:16,390 --> 00:18:18,710 It costs him a lot of money to keep things quiet. 226 00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:21,850 Well, if he's not afraid of blackmail, what is he afraid of? 227 00:18:22,130 --> 00:18:23,130 Not what. 228 00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:25,310 Who? 229 00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,710 Traxler wasn't scared as Wally was. 230 00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:29,210 Maybe more so. 231 00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:34,190 Whoever stole that file has got two grown men absolutely terrified. 232 00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:36,750 What kind of a monster are we dealing with? 233 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:24,810 Well, at least we know it's federal. 234 00:19:33,050 --> 00:19:34,250 Now, what the hell? I'm a veteran. 235 00:19:34,810 --> 00:19:36,050 You can't park here. 236 00:19:36,770 --> 00:19:38,850 Why not? They parked in my space for two years. 237 00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:40,590 You sure it was an honorable discharge? 238 00:19:42,130 --> 00:19:43,130 Barely. 239 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:22,320 How's everything going up on your floor? 240 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:10,579 Got a lead? 241 00:21:10,580 --> 00:21:11,580 We do. 242 00:21:11,940 --> 00:21:14,300 You better come in, Myron, and shut the door. 243 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,260 Good news, isn't it? 244 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,580 Yeah, it's great news, just one little problem. 245 00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:21,699 What's that? 246 00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:25,420 You were asking earlier who could possibly strike fear into the hearts of 247 00:21:25,420 --> 00:21:27,140 otherwise strong men. 248 00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:28,980 Yeah? We found out. 249 00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:30,800 Yeah? It's worse than we thought. 250 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,060 That's what Wally said. 251 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:33,980 That's what Traxler said. 252 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,040 So who is it? 253 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:37,360 The IRS. 254 00:21:42,190 --> 00:21:43,570 No, it couldn't be. 255 00:21:44,410 --> 00:21:48,330 Now, why would the IRS want to steal a file out of my office? 256 00:21:50,950 --> 00:21:54,050 I filed my tax return on time this year, didn't I? 257 00:21:54,850 --> 00:21:55,850 I don't know, Danny. 258 00:21:56,910 --> 00:21:58,870 Are you sure? The IRS? 259 00:21:59,490 --> 00:22:01,290 We will be sure by this time tomorrow. 260 00:22:31,630 --> 00:22:32,329 Mr. Simon? 261 00:22:32,330 --> 00:22:34,250 Yes? Mr. Campbell, see you now. 262 00:22:34,530 --> 00:22:35,530 Oh, thank you. 263 00:22:42,410 --> 00:22:43,410 Hello? 264 00:22:44,630 --> 00:22:45,630 Yes, yes. 265 00:22:49,210 --> 00:22:50,250 One moment, please. 266 00:22:54,190 --> 00:22:56,950 Yes, you're Mr... Simon, A .J. Simon. 267 00:22:57,889 --> 00:22:58,809 Yes, Mr. 268 00:22:58,810 --> 00:23:01,370 Simon, you're here to be audited for what year, 19? 269 00:23:02,350 --> 00:23:07,210 Oh, actually, I'm not being audited at all. 270 00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:10,270 In fact, this was my idea. 271 00:23:13,130 --> 00:23:17,010 Mr. Simon, if you're here to protest a disallowance, you're wasting my time and 272 00:23:17,010 --> 00:23:19,090 yours. I could recommend an excellent tax attorney. 273 00:23:19,370 --> 00:23:21,110 No, no, it's not that. 274 00:23:21,870 --> 00:23:22,970 Then why are you here? 275 00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:25,830 Well, this is rather embarrassing. 276 00:23:26,070 --> 00:23:28,890 My conscience won't let me forget it. It was 1977. 277 00:23:29,530 --> 00:23:30,950 What about 1977? 278 00:23:32,250 --> 00:23:34,290 I made an error on my income tax return. 279 00:23:35,690 --> 00:23:40,430 I'm amazed, actually, that the IRS didn't spot it. What happened, see, was 280 00:23:40,430 --> 00:23:42,890 I forgot to include it under income. 281 00:23:43,290 --> 00:23:46,930 I was left with stocks by my father, and, you know, the dividends never 282 00:23:46,930 --> 00:23:47,930 amount to all that much. 283 00:23:49,610 --> 00:23:50,690 $148 .37. 284 00:23:53,710 --> 00:23:58,090 You're telling me that you forgot to declare a stock dividend for $148. 285 00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:05,550 Yes. And you were in the 30 % bracket that year, which would mean that you 286 00:24:05,550 --> 00:24:09,630 owe an additional... $44 .51. 287 00:24:13,970 --> 00:24:14,970 What interest? 288 00:24:16,170 --> 00:24:17,370 Four years' interest? 289 00:24:19,270 --> 00:24:21,530 Ah, of course. I forgot about the interest. 290 00:24:22,390 --> 00:24:24,590 You do seem to have a memory problem, Mr. Simon. 291 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,760 We met at the Peerless Christmas Party last year, remember? 292 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:53,260 Oh, sure. How are you? I'm fine, I'm fine. Listen, I just came by to say 293 00:24:53,260 --> 00:24:53,939 to Wally. 294 00:24:53,940 --> 00:24:55,560 Well, he left for Baltimore this morning. 295 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,740 Baltimore? My brothers live there. My family's in the meatpacking business. 296 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,580 yeah, that's right. Wally, he said something about going into a different 297 00:25:02,580 --> 00:25:03,580 of work. 298 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:09,940 Listen, guys at the office, we were just, you know, wondering, is everything 299 00:25:09,940 --> 00:25:12,900 okay? I mean, Wally picking up steaks so quickly and everything? 300 00:25:13,340 --> 00:25:14,340 Everything's fine. 301 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:17,720 You sure now? No problem, like a medical problem or anything like that? 302 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,840 No, really, thank you. Okay. All I know, it seems like a sudden decision, but 303 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,920 Wally said he'd been thinking about it for months. And then the tax audit 304 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:25,839 out to be nothing. 305 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,640 Audit? Yes, we were audited for 77, 78, and 79. 306 00:25:29,860 --> 00:25:32,700 Wally was very upset about it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Wally mentioned 307 00:25:32,700 --> 00:25:35,940 something about that, yeah. Yeah, he hardly slept for two weeks. But then 308 00:25:35,940 --> 00:25:38,440 you went to see the auditor, it turned out to be no problem at all. 309 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:40,800 None? No, we didn't even have to pay anything extra. 310 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,000 Oh, that's terrific. 311 00:25:42,830 --> 00:25:47,430 Well, listen, tell Wally I said hello and goodbye, okay? 312 00:25:48,070 --> 00:25:49,310 Okay. Bye. Bye. 313 00:25:53,270 --> 00:25:54,270 Mr. 314 00:25:55,590 --> 00:25:57,950 Simon, you've claimed a deduction for dry cleaning? 315 00:25:59,030 --> 00:26:03,190 Yes, well, in my line of work, appearance is very important. 316 00:26:04,950 --> 00:26:06,270 You're a private investigator? 317 00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:08,130 Yes. 318 00:26:12,430 --> 00:26:16,830 Well, Mr. Simon, there appear to be a few discrepancies, but nothing worth 319 00:26:16,830 --> 00:26:17,830 into detail for. 320 00:26:20,330 --> 00:26:25,770 We'll be sending you a bill, Mr. Simon, with the proper interest calculated for 321 00:26:25,770 --> 00:26:26,770 you. 322 00:26:26,930 --> 00:26:28,570 Right. Thank you. 323 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:02,840 Oh, 324 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,760 we got a real winner here. Threatened to blow up the First Lady's new china. 325 00:27:27,050 --> 00:27:28,070 First Lady of China. 326 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,200 You're Campbell F., right? 327 00:28:26,260 --> 00:28:29,140 You want to stick around? That's fine by me. I'll work around you. What do you 328 00:28:29,140 --> 00:28:30,140 think you're doing? 329 00:28:30,420 --> 00:28:31,420 It's all in the memo. 330 00:28:31,540 --> 00:28:32,540 What memo? 331 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:36,560 What do you mean? You didn't get the... Oh, those jerks in dispatch. 332 00:28:36,940 --> 00:28:39,760 Hey, look, can I borrow your pen here, pal? I left mine down in the truck. 333 00:28:41,860 --> 00:28:42,980 May I see some identification? 334 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:45,480 What are you, Jack Webb? 335 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,300 Here, hold the end of this up against the windowsill over there, would you 336 00:28:48,300 --> 00:28:49,279 please? 337 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,180 Right over there against the windowsill. Right down there at the bottom. That's 338 00:28:52,180 --> 00:28:55,160 it. You wanted a bigger office, right? We're going to give you a bigger office. 339 00:28:55,180 --> 00:28:58,020 Knock out a couple of these walls, give you a lot more room. You'll be happy. 340 00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,040 It'll be wonderful and terrific. 341 00:28:59,220 --> 00:29:00,220 There you go. 342 00:29:00,380 --> 00:29:01,380 What about the window? 343 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:03,560 Window? 344 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,220 Nobody said nothing to me about no window, but, you know, I'll check with 345 00:29:07,220 --> 00:29:08,380 supervisor, see what I can do. 346 00:29:09,260 --> 00:29:11,620 I don't see no problem with that. Window there would be nice, yeah. 347 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:16,400 Window. 348 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:21,219 You've disturbed anything. 349 00:29:21,220 --> 00:29:22,700 You'll never work for the civil service again. 350 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,000 Is that a promise? 351 00:29:53,900 --> 00:29:55,880 Why is his mark no action taken? 352 00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:58,900 Traxler's is marked pending. 353 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,680 Tampering with government documents is a federal offense. 354 00:30:24,890 --> 00:30:28,110 Gentlemen, if I were you, I'd put that back in the right place. 355 00:30:33,290 --> 00:30:37,150 Blackmail, extortion, and fraud are not federal offenses, Mr. Campbell, but I 356 00:30:37,150 --> 00:30:38,690 think it did not put you away for a little while. 357 00:30:40,790 --> 00:30:46,750 So Traxler hired himself two more private investigators, a very unique tax 358 00:30:46,750 --> 00:30:49,430 shelter. Well, it's only going to get him into more trouble. 359 00:30:50,070 --> 00:30:52,230 You're the one that's in trouble, Mr. Campbell. 360 00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:54,580 I am? Oh, no, I don't think so. 361 00:30:55,540 --> 00:30:56,540 Not at all. 362 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,860 This is Frank Campbell, room 507C. I need a security guard. 363 00:31:04,100 --> 00:31:05,100 Emergency. 364 00:31:05,660 --> 00:31:07,640 No, no. Please come at your convenience. 365 00:31:08,580 --> 00:31:09,580 Thank you. 366 00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:13,600 I should have realized. 367 00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,900 You and your anguished taxpayer routine. 368 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:22,260 However, I must admit you had me fooled. 369 00:31:22,820 --> 00:31:26,720 Now, I don't think you realize just how serious this trouble is, Mr. Campbell. 370 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,940 Now, we can prove... You can prove what? 371 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,380 That I asked Wally to do me a favor? 372 00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:36,240 In return, I would overlook a few discrepancies in his income tax return? 373 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:37,720 You can't prove that. 374 00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:39,000 Wally won't help you. 375 00:31:39,740 --> 00:31:41,200 Wally's in a lot of trouble lately. 376 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:42,780 I'll reopen his case. 377 00:31:43,140 --> 00:31:46,560 More than likely, he'll end up in prison and his family penalized. I don't think 378 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,280 Wally would be too eager to testify. 379 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:50,760 Now... 380 00:31:50,990 --> 00:31:55,310 You tell Harold that all of his expensive accountants and lawyers aren't 381 00:31:55,310 --> 00:31:56,310 to save him. 382 00:31:56,670 --> 00:31:59,570 And you two are going to wish that you'd never been born. 383 00:32:00,130 --> 00:32:03,150 What do you think you're doing? You come into my office and you threaten me? 384 00:32:03,890 --> 00:32:07,190 Who do you think you're dealing with? Some petty bureaucrat with a GS -9 who's 385 00:32:07,190 --> 00:32:08,190 afraid of his own shadow? 386 00:32:08,450 --> 00:32:09,450 I'm in trouble? 387 00:32:09,710 --> 00:32:10,709 Oh, no. 388 00:32:10,710 --> 00:32:12,350 You just don't know where you are. 389 00:32:12,610 --> 00:32:14,330 You and poor old Harold. 390 00:32:15,110 --> 00:32:16,810 Well, let me tell you where you've landed. 391 00:32:17,370 --> 00:32:18,790 You've landed right here. 392 00:32:19,150 --> 00:32:20,350 And you're going to be sorry. 393 00:32:21,430 --> 00:32:22,730 Very, very sorry. 394 00:32:25,770 --> 00:32:27,250 Do you have a problem here, Mr. Campbell? 395 00:32:28,090 --> 00:32:29,090 A problem? 396 00:32:30,010 --> 00:32:30,929 Oh, no. 397 00:32:30,930 --> 00:32:33,470 No, these two gentlemen were trying to find the way out. 398 00:32:34,550 --> 00:32:35,650 All right, this way, gentlemen. 399 00:32:51,660 --> 00:32:52,499 He's my boat. 400 00:32:52,500 --> 00:32:55,580 They say I didn't even file a tax return last year. Do you believe this? They 401 00:32:55,580 --> 00:32:56,580 can't do this. 402 00:32:56,660 --> 00:32:57,660 You want to bet? 403 00:32:58,200 --> 00:32:59,200 Check that one out. 404 00:33:01,860 --> 00:33:05,880 Well, how could you owe $5 ,180 in back taxes? 405 00:33:06,140 --> 00:33:08,640 Oh, simple, Campbell. Just move the decimal point. That's the good news. 406 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:13,040 The bad news is that I have ten days to pay it. 407 00:33:13,260 --> 00:33:16,480 Otherwise, they freeze my assets. They seize all my property. Are you kidding? 408 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,340 It'll take ten days to get an appointment just to straighten this mess 409 00:33:19,340 --> 00:33:20,480 got to freeze his assets. 410 00:33:27,179 --> 00:33:31,240 Myron. It's not going to do any good, but it'll make me feel better. I'm going 411 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:32,340 to kill both of them. 412 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:35,380 Myron being audited too? 413 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:54,820 with a couple of guys with a tow truck. 414 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:56,520 What? 415 00:33:58,880 --> 00:33:59,880 Hey! 416 00:34:03,860 --> 00:34:06,860 Harold, I'm telling you this thing isn't private anymore. 417 00:34:07,140 --> 00:34:08,580 It's happening to all of us. 418 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,880 Campbell is insane and he's got to be stopped. Look, a man is using the United 419 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:14,920 States government for his own personal motive. 420 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:18,560 Now, he is making a mockery out of everything that this country stands for. 421 00:34:18,900 --> 00:34:20,060 And you're letting it happen. 422 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:21,800 If you don't tell us... 423 00:34:22,030 --> 00:34:24,429 Why Campbell is after you, we can't stop him. 424 00:34:28,909 --> 00:34:32,150 Harold, what'd you do to him? 425 00:34:39,630 --> 00:34:42,290 We were partners 20 years ago in Des Moines. 426 00:34:43,429 --> 00:34:47,790 I drove a truck door to door asking people if they had any used furniture 427 00:34:47,790 --> 00:34:48,790 wanted to get rid of. 428 00:34:48,909 --> 00:34:50,370 Frank was a whiz with the books. 429 00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:54,900 See this woman standing in the middle? 430 00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:00,980 Harold, you didn't. 431 00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:02,038 I did. 432 00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:03,040 You know me, Myron. 433 00:35:04,180 --> 00:35:05,180 It was her idea. 434 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:09,080 I wanted to tell Frank. She convinced me to go to Reno that night. 435 00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:13,600 It was all over in a month. The divorce, the marriage, and the divorce. 436 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,300 Now, wait a minute. How did you manage two divorces? 437 00:35:16,660 --> 00:35:20,380 She left me for a track -to -part salesman. I was luckier than Frank, 438 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,700 At least she didn't take my shares in the business. 439 00:35:23,210 --> 00:35:24,490 She took Campbell to the cleaners? 440 00:35:24,710 --> 00:35:29,590 She modernized him. She fiddled with the books and took his shares and left him 441 00:35:29,590 --> 00:35:30,590 high and dry. 442 00:35:31,030 --> 00:35:32,230 He was destroyed. 443 00:35:33,510 --> 00:35:37,430 Frank left town one week before Cheryl left me. I didn't even have a chance to 444 00:35:37,430 --> 00:35:40,770 tell him. And he's held a grudge against you for 20 years? 445 00:35:44,750 --> 00:35:46,550 I wrote him one every year. 446 00:35:47,930 --> 00:35:49,710 All returned unopened. 447 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,520 Then I lost track of him. I didn't even know he was in San Diego until I got 448 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,940 into this tax problem. He audited me for 76 and 77. 449 00:35:58,180 --> 00:36:00,280 I was clean. So I guess he got frantic. 450 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:01,800 Hey, I got good accounts. 451 00:36:02,220 --> 00:36:07,760 So he threatened to use the file he stole from your office to get me to 452 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:11,240 the rulings on 78, 79, and 80. I had no choice. 453 00:36:11,620 --> 00:36:16,700 I lose my business fast because of the girls, or I lose my business slow 454 00:36:16,700 --> 00:36:17,700 of the IRS. 455 00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:20,080 Harold, uh... 456 00:36:20,700 --> 00:36:22,740 You're just going to have to help us out. 457 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:28,920 If you don't, this gamble will squeeze you to death. If I fight him, he'll only 458 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:29,839 get me sooner. 459 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:30,658 That's wrong. 460 00:36:30,660 --> 00:36:32,220 He's beaten you because you've given up. 461 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,460 How can you fight the IRS? 462 00:36:34,940 --> 00:36:37,540 Well, we may have a plan, but we're going to need your help. 463 00:36:50,030 --> 00:36:51,030 than he is on those commercials. 464 00:36:56,410 --> 00:36:57,410 Is it him? 465 00:37:30,830 --> 00:37:31,830 on a nervous breakdown before. 466 00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:32,600 Thanks for coming, Frank. 467 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:36,000 At least now we can talk face to face, man to man. 468 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:40,500 You're about 20 years too late for that, Harold. You know how many times I 469 00:38:40,500 --> 00:38:42,860 tried? I can't take this anymore. 470 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:45,920 You've got to give me a chance to make things up to you. 471 00:38:47,020 --> 00:38:48,340 I'll give you anything you want. 472 00:38:49,940 --> 00:38:54,080 You don't have anything that I want anymore. 473 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:56,320 Cheryl would have left you anyway. 474 00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:57,780 She was no damn good. 475 00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,760 She left me after a month, ran off with some salesman. 476 00:39:01,230 --> 00:39:04,090 An executive vice president, Harold. 477 00:39:04,630 --> 00:39:06,250 It lasted four years. 478 00:39:06,730 --> 00:39:09,350 Then she married a computer technician. 479 00:39:10,110 --> 00:39:11,770 That lasted five years. 480 00:39:13,110 --> 00:39:14,230 She's single now. 481 00:39:14,930 --> 00:39:16,710 I see her returns annually. 482 00:39:17,150 --> 00:39:19,690 She's having a lot of trouble with her taxes. 483 00:39:20,030 --> 00:39:21,030 When is it going to end? 484 00:39:21,210 --> 00:39:22,310 When are you going to be satisfied? 485 00:39:22,990 --> 00:39:24,090 Haven't you had enough? 486 00:39:24,530 --> 00:39:26,770 Well, if I had my way, it would never end. 487 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,980 Of course, sooner or later, you'll be ruined. 488 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:32,600 The way you ruined me. 489 00:39:33,820 --> 00:39:35,960 Then it will be all over for you, Harold. 490 00:39:38,260 --> 00:39:40,700 Now, now, Harold, that's a stupid, stupid move. 491 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,440 You could kill me, but you can't kill the federal government. 492 00:39:45,240 --> 00:39:46,360 You're on the list. 493 00:39:47,620 --> 00:39:52,300 Yes, even if you killed me and got away with it, Uncle Sam would never give you 494 00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:53,300 a moment's peace. 495 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,660 I thought I could reason with you, but I was wrong. You're insane, Frank! 496 00:39:56,900 --> 00:39:58,260 I'm not gonna let you... Did you torture me? 497 00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:29,360 Is he dead? 498 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:36,040 He killed him. 499 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:37,840 AJ, call the police. 500 00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:39,280 No! 501 00:40:44,380 --> 00:40:46,040 You think he'd want it? I will if you will. 502 00:40:50,780 --> 00:40:53,500 Hey, hey, hey, slow down. We don't want to lose them. Oh, yeah, right. 503 00:40:57,060 --> 00:40:58,060 Is he over that way? 504 00:40:58,190 --> 00:40:59,190 Nope. 505 00:41:02,510 --> 00:41:04,570 I think we've lost him. Ah, nuts. 506 00:41:05,790 --> 00:41:06,790 Yep. 507 00:41:13,130 --> 00:41:14,550 Uh -huh. 508 00:41:16,270 --> 00:41:21,570 We've got him. He's right behind us. Okay, I'll go right. You go left. 509 00:42:07,180 --> 00:42:08,180 At least it'll be here by now. 510 00:42:08,580 --> 00:42:10,280 All our batters on time is trains. 511 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,060 How many shots did you fire, anyway? 512 00:42:15,980 --> 00:42:16,980 Six. 513 00:42:19,540 --> 00:42:20,540 That's all right. 514 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:24,480 Ooh, we would have bought the farm with that one. 515 00:42:24,860 --> 00:42:27,340 I would eat cat -like reflexes, come on. 516 00:43:12,750 --> 00:43:13,910 Goodbye, Mr. Simon. 517 00:43:14,190 --> 00:43:17,310 The United States government will miss your annual contributions. 518 00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:08,520 You okay? 519 00:44:08,900 --> 00:44:09,900 Yeah. 520 00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:11,080 You want to get up? 521 00:44:12,580 --> 00:44:13,580 Yeah. Okay. 522 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:21,600 Don't move, mister. 523 00:44:22,380 --> 00:44:23,380 Get his gun. 524 00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:25,840 Hold it. Oh. 525 00:44:26,720 --> 00:44:28,140 I didn't mean to kill him. 526 00:44:29,900 --> 00:44:30,900 I'll show you. 527 00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,180 I didn't mean it. 528 00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:33,780 I didn't mean it. 529 00:44:40,700 --> 00:44:42,040 It was self -defense. 530 00:44:42,720 --> 00:44:44,340 I didn't kill him, I swear. 531 00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,220 You shot Traxler? Yes. 532 00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:53,160 No, I... His body is... It was... It was right here. 533 00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:55,200 I mean... 534 00:44:59,500 --> 00:45:02,700 And they saw him. 535 00:45:03,580 --> 00:45:04,760 He shot himself. 536 00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:06,740 Right here. Who? 537 00:45:08,620 --> 00:45:09,620 Traxler. 538 00:45:11,720 --> 00:45:12,720 What's going on? 539 00:45:16,100 --> 00:45:17,100 No. 540 00:45:18,380 --> 00:45:19,540 No, it can't be. 541 00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:22,720 You're supposed to... What's he talking about? 542 00:45:22,980 --> 00:45:25,280 I don't know. He's got this crazy idea that you're dead. 543 00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:27,400 Dead? Me? 544 00:45:28,490 --> 00:45:29,490 I never felt better in my life. 545 00:45:32,090 --> 00:45:33,930 Oh, I see. 546 00:45:34,170 --> 00:45:35,370 You're trying to get me to think. 547 00:45:36,410 --> 00:45:37,410 Well, it won't work. 548 00:45:38,630 --> 00:45:39,670 Nobody's going to hurt you, pal. 549 00:45:40,630 --> 00:45:41,630 Now, come on. 550 00:45:42,330 --> 00:45:43,209 Time to go. 551 00:45:43,210 --> 00:45:44,950 No, no, I saw it with my own eyes. 552 00:45:46,430 --> 00:45:47,690 It was self -defense. 553 00:45:48,970 --> 00:45:50,170 Ask them. They saw it. 554 00:45:54,010 --> 00:45:55,510 Oh, no, no. I saw it. 555 00:45:56,250 --> 00:45:57,390 It was self -defense. 556 00:45:58,960 --> 00:45:59,960 He shot himself. 557 00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:02,180 You've got to understand. 558 00:46:03,820 --> 00:46:04,820 Please. 559 00:46:05,580 --> 00:46:06,720 Tell me you understand. 560 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:08,760 Sure. 561 00:46:08,980 --> 00:46:10,080 Don't worry about a thing. 562 00:46:10,780 --> 00:46:11,880 Everything's going to be okay. 563 00:46:12,420 --> 00:46:16,060 We're going to go to the car. We're going to take a ride to the hospital. 564 00:46:16,060 --> 00:46:17,960 can tell the doctor all about it. 565 00:46:20,420 --> 00:46:21,420 Who is he? 566 00:46:23,020 --> 00:46:24,020 Frank Campbell. 567 00:46:24,620 --> 00:46:25,900 He works for the IRS. 568 00:46:27,180 --> 00:46:30,080 I don't think he's going to be working anywhere for quite a while. 569 00:46:56,720 --> 00:46:57,720 soap operas. 570 00:46:58,140 --> 00:47:01,280 I don't know how you can stand to watch them. Who cares about tracks where it 571 00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:02,580 happens and I'm a furniture lover. 572 00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:05,260 Just look at that match set. 573 00:47:28,810 --> 00:47:35,050 Yet everybody we know knows we're more than brothers, we're best of friends. 574 00:47:38,170 --> 00:47:44,610 We may not look or think like one another, and there are times when we 575 00:47:44,610 --> 00:47:45,610 each other.